Part Two: You Don’t Need a Village—You Need the Body of Christ

If you missed Part One, I shared how the popular phrase “I don’t have my village” is rooted in a cultural ideal rather than a biblical truth. While longing for community is good and God-given, the way we pursue it—through curated relationships and social media comparison—is often deeply flawed.

Now I want to talk about why this matters so much, especially within the Church, and what kind of damage this mindset is doing among Christian women.

painting of woman visiting I the village

How Women Divide the Church Without Even Realizing It

Recently, I listened to an interview with Tilly Dillehay (author of Dear Hemlock) on the Church and Family Life Podcast (I will link it here). She said something that hit me hard:

“If you want to cultivate a culture of church-hopping and discontent… throw a bone among the women.”

Let that sink in.

What she meant is this: if you want to destabilize a church—its culture, its unity, and its fellowship—create division among the women. And sadly, it works. It doesn’t take much: a misunderstood conversation, a slight offense, a difference in parenting styles, or a look someone gave you that just didn’t sit right.

And what happens? A family leaves the church.

As a pastor’s daughter, I’ve seen this time and time again. Very rarely is it the husband who decides to leave because he “got his feelings hurt.” More often than not, the family leaves because the wife is discontent, hurt, or frustrated.

Now let me be clear—there are legitimate reasons to leave a church. Doctrinal error, spiritual abuse, or lack of biblical leadership are serious matters. But a lot of “church hopping” stems not from biblical discernment—but from disillusionment and unrealistic expectations.

We’ve been sold a lie about what Christian community should look like. And when the real, gritty, imperfect Church doesn’t measure up—we bail.

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
—Ephesians 4:31–32 (ESV)

You Have a Community—Be Content With It

Which brings me to my next point: God has already given you a community.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard women say, “I just don’t have a village.” And yet, in the same breath, they’ll talk about how disconnected they feel from the women in their own local church.

They want someone to fold laundry with. Someone to sip coffee while the kids play. Someone to do life with.

But they’re not willing to pursue the actual women God has placed around them—because they feel they “don’t have anything in common.”

“I can’t be friends with her. She once gave me a weird look last Sunday when my kid cried over the spilled Cheerios.”
“She feeds her kids freezer nuggets. That’s not how we eat.”
“She had a planned induction with her last baby, epidural and all, Dr. Pepper in hand. I can’t even imagine!”

Do you see the problem?

That’s not biblical discernment—it’s division. It’s “Unfollow Culture” applied to real life.

“Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door.”
—James 5:9 (ESV)

women fixing one another hair while sitting outside int he village

You Will Never Find a “Perfect” Friend

Let me just say this plainly: you will never find a friend you agree with 100% of the time.

Even more—your closest friendships will probably involve some offense, hurt feelings, and tension. Because we are sinners. We all fall short. But when two women are repentant, walking with Christ, and humbly growing in godliness—you canidentify with one another. That’s enough.

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”
—1 Peter 4:8 (ESV)

Stop waiting for someone who is just like you, stop dismissing potential friendships over trivial things, stop putting people through a mental “checklist” before deciding if they’re worthy of your time.

Have grace.

Show love

Pursue peace.

So What Do We Do Instead?

Here’s the simple answer: Be the initiator.

You want friends? Start building them. Don’t wait for someone to knock on your door and magically understand all your needs. Invite someone in.

Invite a young mom over for coffee, even if your house is messy.
Ask someone to go for a walk at the park while your kids play.
Have another mom over to help pick beans in the garden and let the littles dig in the dirt together.
Text a new woman in your church and ask if you can bring her a loaf of bread and get to know her story.
Share a favorite dinner recipe that saved your sanity on a busy night.

This is what community is made of. Small, ordinary, faithful acts of showing up. You don’t need a curated tribe—you need a church family.

“Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.”
—Galatians 6:9–10 (ESV)

The Body of Christ Is Your Village

If she is a born-again believer, if she is walking with the Lord in faith and repentance, you can identify with her. You may not have the same cleaning schedule or or menu plan, but you are sisters in Christ. That’s the strongest bond there is.

The women in your church—your actual, real-life church—are your “village”. They are your people.

Stop chasing a fantasy “village”. Show up for what God has already given you.

Want to go deeper?
Consider memorizing these Scriptures: