Is the “Missing Village” Mindset Biblical for Moms?

As a young mom, I hear the phrase “I don’t have my village” thrown around a lot. Recently, I was at an event with a lot of ladies, and I cannot tell you how many times I heard that term in just one day. It honestly shocked me.

So today, I want to take some time and dig into the ideology behind that statement.

women working together doing laundry as a village

What Is This “Village” Everyone’s Missing?

Let’s talk about the messaging first. In this age—especially with social media being what it is—I believe women have been fed a kind of propaganda. They’re being told that if they’re feeling overwhelmed in homemaking or motherhood, the reason is that they’re missing something essential: a village.

So what exactly is this “village” they’re being told they need?

The narrative usually goes something like this: “You were never meant to do this all on your own. You were never meant to be the only one doing the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, the homeschooling, the diapering…” And so on. You were meant to have a village—where one mom does the cooking, another does the homeschooling, another handles laundry. Everyone shares the load. That’s how it should be.

While yes, historically, people have lived in close-knit communities where work was often shared among extended families or neighbors, the mindset that this is the only way you can be successful as a homemaker today is absolutely false.

And sadly, this belief is robbing many women of contentment in the communities they do have.

old painting of woman working together in fellowship

Yes, Villages Existed—But So Did Hard Work

Historically, people may have lived in villages, but the circumstances were vastly different from today. Those women didn’t have electric stoves, washers and dryers, or running water. They had to build fires to cook, wash laundry by hand down at the river, boil water to clean dishes, and carry everything back to the home.

Yes, they had shared burdens—but they also faced an immense amount of labor that modern conveniences have largely replaced for us. It’s unfair to idealize the past while ignoring these realities.

So while I understand and agree with the desire for meaningful community, I want us to think carefully and biblically about what we’re actually longing for.

Is It Wrong to Want a Village?

Absolutely not.

As Christian women, there is nothing wrong with longing for a community of like-minded women. I believe with all my heart that God created us with a desire to belong to a people. Throughout history, people have gathered into clans, tribes, and villages, developing their own traditions, foods, dress, music, and culture. That kind of belonging is beautiful—and I believe it reflects the very heart of God.

As believers, we are meant to be part of a spiritual household (1 Peter 2:5), a people who belong to each other (Romans 12:5), and who are of one mind and one testimony (Philippians 2:1–2).

So the longing itself is not the problem. The real issue is what we do with that longing.

old painting of woman sitting around visiting in the village

So Why Can’t We Seem to Find Our “Village” in Today’s Church?

I recently came across a passage in 1 Corinthians 1 that really opened my eyes to this. Paul was addressing the church in Corinth and urging them to stop dividing themselves. Some were saying, “I follow Paul,” others said, “I follow Apollos,” or “I follow Christ.” It was causing strife and disunity.

Paul pleads with them to be of one mind, to have no divisions among them, and to be united in the same judgment and purpose (1 Corinthians 1:10–13).

This same spirit of division is alive and well among Christian women today.

The Rise of “Unfollow Culture”

I believe one of the greatest enemies to biblical friendship among women is what I call “Unfollow Culture.”

We live in a world where social media has become the primary place for socializing. It creates the illusion of community and connection, but in reality—it’s just a simulation. It’s not real life.

Here’s how it plays out: You scroll Instagram and stumble across a woman who looks just like you. She homeschools, she has a milk cow, she wears flowy dresses, she bakes sourdough—you feel like kindred spirits. Follow! You watch her stories, save her recipes, consume everything she posts.

Then one day… she shares something that rubs you the wrong way. It’s not a salvation issue, not even a sin issue—but it’s something you would never do in your home.

So what do you do? You unfollow her.

And just like that, she’s gone. Out of your feed, out of your mind.

The Church Is Not a Curation of Favorites

This culture of curating our “feed” has trickled into how we treat real-life friendships. If someone doesn’t align with us 100%, we keep them at arm’s length—or worse, we cut them off completely.

But that’s not biblical.

“If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.”
—1 Corinthians 12:26–27 (ESV)

When the Church functions like a curated feed, we become emotionally immature and relationally fragile. We ghost one another, we avoid hard conversations, we base friendship on compatibility, rather than covenant.

And as a result, we lose something precious that the early church experienced.

📌 Up Next: Part Two — How Women Are Hurting the Church (And What We Can Do About It)
In Part Two, I’ll share the ripple effects this has on our churches, how women can unintentionally divide a congregation, and what we can do to pursue real, God-honoring friendships. Also a call to young moms to be the initiators of biblical community!